I arrived in my hometown this morning and immediately went to my grandmother’s house. My mother and uncles were there cleaning the place up. As soon as I saw my mother I started to bawl. Being in that house and not seeing my grandmother is hard. You see all of her stuff, all the things and people she once loved but she isn’t there to experience it.
Tonight we had the wake for my grandmother. Let’s just say, she doesn’t really look like herself. She had all of her wrinkles filled in/smoothed out and had this little smirk on her face. It seriously looked as if she had a face lift or worse, one of those wax figures in a museum. It just doesn’t seem to be her to me. It doesn’t seem real. When I first saw her lying there in the casket, I was shocked and immediately broke down. After a few good tears rolled down my face, I was ok and the “moment of grief” had passed.
It still doesn’t seem real to me. I mean, you know that granny is old and you know that granny’s have to die eventually but you never think that that day is ever going to come. It makes me sad to think of not seeing my grandmother when my second child is born. Not having her come over to my new home and see how awesome it is.
My father says that we have just moved up a generation. In the last six months my father’s father died, then my husband’s dad died, now my mother’s mother passes away. There are no more grandparents left. Meaning that now my parents are the grandparents, me and my husband are the parents and the kids are the kids. Get what I’m saying?
Tomorrow morning is the funeral. I’m sure it will be a very sad and hard thing to try to get through. We are having a graveside funeral with the possibility for rain. I really hope it doesn’t rain, that would be terrible.
My mother feels as if granny isn’t with us anymore. Which is true. I think she is numb about the whole situation right now. I haven’t seen her cry yet. Perhaps because she is all cried out. I haven’t cried alot either, perhaps I’m in shock as well. I feel like this is a dream and we will all awake from it eventually.
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